There is no doubt that during the Covid 19 pandemic dementia sufferers and their carers have felt more overwhelmed than ever. It was difficult to explain to my Nan that things were not open and that she had to stay inside, and it was even more difficult knowing that this isolation from the world would make her dementia worse.
Alzheimer’s Society tells us how depression, anxiety and apathy are often experienced by people with dementia. It is also harder to treat mental health conditions in people with dementia as they can struggle with attention span, communication, memory or reasoning. Due to this, it is sometimes better to support them with care and by making their lives easier and more positive.
When my grandad first passed away, it was extremely difficult for my nan as she was unable to properly process the grief or know what was going on. This led to phone call after phone call of her crying and getting angry. She hated being alone and this was so difficult for my family and I to deal with. After lots of hassle with social services we managed to get her carers twice a day and she was also prescribed anxiety medication. This combination did help but she still has moments where she is upset and anxious.
There are some moments where she speaks about not wanting to be here anymore and of course this is heart breaking but we know it is a combination of the dementia and anxiety. I think the most important this is to not give up. Now, my nan is very happy and has even been calling me by my old nickname! I think people with dementia are often assumed to simply have no idea of what is going on – but this is not true. My nan often shows compassion when I rant to her about various things, and she makes jokes with me. It is just important not to underestimate how someone with dementia feels and how we must appreciate their mental health as much as anyone else’s.
It is so important to ask how the person feels, even though they may be confused, it shows them that you are looking out for them. Since going on anxiety medication, my nan has become less confused, and it has helped her dementia slightly. Of course, this is different for everyone but it shows how it is essential to look out for mental health problems in someone with dementia.
Although mental health for those with dementia is important, it is just as important to look after your mental health if you are caring for someone with dementia. It can be mentally and physically exhausting helping someone with dementia – often you feel as if you are not doing enough or doubt what you are doing. It is also easy to take things personally. If I spend the day with my nan and we have a great time and then we phone her in the evening, and she is upset it makes me feel hopeless. However, I must remind myself that in the moment she was enjoying herself and so was I. This is so important to remember. It is also good to acknowledge that there are good and bad days and that its ok to sometimes be angry or to feel upset.
My mum and I often say that if you do not laugh you will cry (a phrase coined by my nan), and it is something that can really make the best of a bad situation.
There are lots of resources online to help carers and those with dementia. I would highly recommend Dementia Talking Point. It is really reassuring to hear of people going through the same struggles as you and how they are coping.
The most important thing is to know you are not alone!
This is the link for my dad and I’s Trek 26. Any donations are massively appreciated and are needed more than ever!! https://www.justgiving.com/team/teamhales
You’re amazing! Lots of love